somewhere under the sky

relationships

i am going to do something very atypical of me - write about relationships. i never do this because i much prefer to write about political or cultural issues, but it's very late and there is no one i can call to blow off my steam at the moment. so i'm going to throw these words out there to the universe and this time it´s not even in the spirit of getting comments or discussion or anything. i want to vent, and i'm right, and i don't care to discuss this issue.

a few weeks ago i became extremely sensitive to the "signs" that society gives you to be married and/or in a (heterosexual) relationship. for instance, i bought milk from nestle (forgive me), and i happened to be studying the picture on the milk carton and it was a young, skinny but curvy, stereotypical "milkmaid" with cute, blond, wavy hair. besides the obvious barbie-like suggestions, a certain accessory adorned her right hand - a diamond, obvious, wedding ring. please tell me, why is the ring necessary? why is it there? WHY is there a ring on her finger?
i watched a movie in which a country singer falls in love with a woman half his age but when his alcoholism jeopardizes the life of her son, they break up. years later when they meet again and he has changed, she still refuses. but what has happened? he notices a ring on her finger - "he's a good guy" she says. of course, the movie could not have ended with her just being single and the relationship just not working out.
when i am asked if i have a boyfriend and i reply no, the immediate response 100% of the time is "why not?" accompanied by a look of both apparent shock and concern, and sometimes pity. "i'm sorry, do i need one?" i always want to say. on the other hand, i bet anyone $100 that if i answered "yes" to this same question of do i have a boyfriend, no one would ever say "why?" with a look of shock or concern or pity.

the reason i am currently incredulous is because i just finished watching "He's Just Not That Into You." i loved this movie, i adored it, and i'm not the biggest fan of chick flicks, if this is even considered one of them, but i thought it was cute and funny and relevant and truthful. until after two hours of loving it, i was utterly and completely disappointed and outraged at the last 30 seconds of the movie. literally. it doesn't matter if you've seen it or not. the point is, it is seemingly impossible to escape the norm. but i mean that society simply refuses the possibility of anything but heterosexual marriage. anything but that is simply not okay. i would like to join my voice now with all the gays, lesbians, and other marginalized people as this: a single person. the one couple in this movie that represented an actual committed relationship without the institution of marriage, what happens in the end? he asks her to marry her because that is "what people do when they love each other." yes, there are two single women at the end of the movie, but their lives/stories are canceled out by the narrator's voice, around whose struggle to find a guy the movie revolves. the woman complains the entire movie about the things women are taught about men, she reaches a climactic conclusion that all of her obsessiveness and overanalysis is actually passion (women), which is much better than just never caring or being an asshole (men), and in the end she becomes the "exception" to all the women who end up with jerks. this is bullshit. the movie promises for two hours to accept an alternative to marriage and what does it end up being? the disney story of prince charming and finding the one and living happily ever after. the very last words of the narrator that end the movie start with the idea that maybe it's not about finding the one, maybe it's about self-exploration, or picking up the pieces and starting over and being strong in oneself, and then, her very last words? "but maybe it's about the fact that you never gave up hope."

what the hell is this? the movie gives so many promising apparent acceptances of alternatives and in the end? it's a prince-charming story about heterosexual marriage. this movie starts with criticizing what women are taught since little girls and ends by giving the very same message. i find this astounding and disgusting.
i have nothing against relationships. i´m sure many of them are wonderful. my only complaint is about the inability for society at large to show any clue of acceptance that it's okay to be single. and of course, i am fully aware that everyone takes my ranting and raving as me trying to cover up the fact that i must not be okay inside. i must really be suffering, and i must really be lonely and i must really be waiting for the day when i find some awesome guy and then i must be just waiting for the day when he gives me a ring and says "will you marry me?" and that is exactly my point! people refuse to believe that single people are okay with the fact that they are single. it is infuriating. society, from every angle subtle and obvious, tells you that something is wrong with you if you are single. and if you don't have a boyfriend people suspect that you must be a lesbian, which is equally frustrating to single people and to lesbians. what a disappointment that movie was - it tried to dispel all the stereotypes and in the end, it's the same message: never give up hope for your prince charming. never give up hope that you are the exception and that all the obsessiveness and overanalysis is worth it in the end. which is of course: never give up hope that you will one day not be single.
i say again, bullshit. i love being single. people who are in relationships, that's wonderful. people who are single, that's equally wonderful. that's all.

posted by leah v @ 12:41 AM