ah, fellowship
religious fundamentalism has (almost) always been propagated in the united states, at least since Manifest Destiny. its form in the u.s. is of the christian variety but of course, as hypocrisy is characteristic of fundamentalism, it fights other fundamentalisms because they are the "wrong" ones.
this is so eloquently evidenced today by
Mr. Prince and his goons.
so if this has been going on forever, i suppose i shouldn't be worried that
doctors are being assassinated by the "pro-life" movement or that
town halls are unusually rowdy these days or that those protecting u.s. officials in their imperial adventures overseas are murderers (ref: Nisoor Square) or that those leading the war on drugs don't in fact want it to end because they are the very drug smugglers (ref: Colombia, Mexico, Charles Bowden, the Taliban, the CIA, etc) because it has always been this way and the world hasn't spontaneously combusted yet with the hypocrisy that rules her so maybe it won't, in my lifetime at least, and everything is going to be just fine.
but as a young person, it's hard to have historically-lived perspective (i can have historically-read perspective) and so i do worry. and while news of
The Family doesn't surprise me in the least, it still scares me. things like "biblical capitalism" scare the hell out of me.
i wrote something else but i'll save it for later because i realized i got myself into a more complicated situation than i intended. so for now...i leave it at that.
blue sky II
i say II because now there are more blue skies since, hardly to anyone's surprise, i have not written in 4 months and april has sprung upon us. i take full credit for that pun.
today at Ohio University there was a conference on Hip Hop and sustainability featuring a performance by Detroit artists
Invincible and
Finale and guest speaker
Majora Carter and guest poets
the Affrilachian Poets . kudos to all those at OU who pulled this event together. in conversation with a professor and environmental activist here about the poor turn out, she reminded me there is always a poor turn out. and it's true, i am always disappointed at the poor turn out of the events i go to, because i think to myself, there are 20,000 undergrads here....and there were maybe 25 of us who participated in this awesome conference. but, this professor said to me, what can you but just keep doing what you're doing? and i think she's right. so i want to shout out to those few souls and thank them for their presence because it mattered.
a few comments from the day: Majora Carter gave a fabulous presentation on the changes she's helped engender in the South Bronx and i definitely applaud the awesome work she has done. but i simply have to share my growing concern about the image of Obama as a superhero. i hear comments made all the time about "before" and "now" as if "now" that we have an Obama administration, roses have suddenly lost their thorns and the pots of gold at the end of rainbows really have been found. i've seen shirts with Obama in a superman uniform and a big O on his chest. and in her talk today, Carter gave another acronym for Obama something about americans being able to behave how they should..i don't remember it but it was yet another "joke" that suggests the 9 clouds that surround Obama. and whenever i want to criticize Obama people seem to shrink back at me, but might it be possible that it's the office of the White House itself that will never really change? can the master's tools destroy the master's house? that's a question for another day, but let me post two things - one is that i was really disappointed in NPR last week because each morning when i woke up to the news, i heard not a word about the
protests in London during the G20 or in
Strasbourg, Kehl & Baden Baden over NATO even though these protests are extremely significant because people are fed up with this system. and all they are doing is trying to save the same system that got us here while the people are calling for a whole new system.
i've also seen buttons with the sign of the peace inside the O in Obama's name. this is dangerous brainwashing.
please, we must be diligent.
apart from that concern of mine, both workshops i attended were excellent but i'll wrap up with this: at the spoken word workshop, we did an exercise that began with a line being drawn on the board. we were asked what do we see? of course, i immediately began to wonder what a line represents symbolically...the first thought that popped in my head was Frost's poem
the mending wall but i spun off from that and my actual answer was something crazy like "i see death and destruction, because you know, lines are false the lines that divide the earth are false and they divide..." and once i realized what the exercise really was supposed to be, i have laughed at myself all day. the leader said "wow, we really do have some abstract thinkers in this group...does anyone see a snake stretched out in the sun? how about a stick on the pavement?" and i just laughed and laughed...i think grad school is really dragging me away from reality...
and this is why i don't blog that often...there are too many links on this post. so have fun with that.
in solidarity.
blue sky
the reason i don't blog is because there is too much to blog about. i will explain in a minute. i also don't blog often because while i am learning and processing an extraordinary amount of information everyday (grad school does that to you, i guess), i prefer to share it with real people in real conversation. i'm not suggesting that is a form of "fake" communication -on the contrary i'm much better at dialoguing through writing-and i don't just mean Sarah Palin's real people. i'm only saying that neither this blog nor any one person nor my own brain can handle all of the things i think in a day so i just don't blog often. there is too much to blog about. this is also the reason why i really haven't started working on my thesis. there is too much to read, to process, to analyze, to synthesize, to write, etc.
so i will share some thoughts from the last week and also avoid talking about the situation in Gaza, which makes me very sad.
new year's day i woke up to a blue sky. compared to other blue skies i have seen, this probably paled in comparison. however, the reason it was so blue, the reason it nearly shocked me awake, the reason i stared out my window so long at it is because it was, simply, blue. during the winter, there is no color. everything is a shade of brown or gray-the trees, the sky and even the grass. gray gray gray. so, to see a blue sky is to be reminded of nature's colors and it can jolt the mind awake from its winter hibernation.
i don't mean to criticize winter. i feel extremely fortunate to have lived my life in a place that has very distinguished seasons. if we were more aware of the seasons, i think they offer very simple explanations of life and they go a long way to explaining man and nature and man's part in nature because really, man is neither above nor below but part of nature. seasons show birth, growth, completion, and death. and it starts over. they show that life is cyclical, that things are always changing, growing, birthing, dying. there are many who say they would love to live in a warm climate year-long. this may be understandable in some situations, but sometimes it is the case that this is simply escaping the reality of life and trying to give oneself the illusion that life is always sunny. we who know the winter can fully appreciate the color of life when it finally comes.
p.s. and i mean that symbolically in all its cliched goodness.
language
the other day i heard a talk by Dr. Charles Ping, Ohio University's 18th president, from 1975 to 1994. the subject of the talk was the importance of global exchange in the context of university students.
one of his comments raised an interesting point. why might the "typical" american be so narrow-minded? we in the states grow up monolingual for the most part. with the exception of heritage speakers and immigrants, english is the only language spoken at home AND in school. nationwide, language programs are not usually introduced into the school system until the 9th grade, right after the critical period for learning a language has passed. anyway, his comment was that all education, even thought itself, begins with language.
of course. knowing only one language, therefore, greatly limits education, and even thought. it would be a fallacy to state that all people who only know one language are narrow-minded. so i will speak in positive instead of negative terms. knowing another language greatly increases one's capacities to understand other perspectives, other thought patterns, other cultures, etc. one's life can be greatly enriched by the ability to understand different thought, aka language.
more on perspectives
i am recently back from ecuador. while in saraguro, a tooth began to bother me and i went to the dentist, who was an uncle of the family i was living with. he found three cavities, which he showed me, and a stain on another tooth that for the moment, is nothing but a stain. he filled the three cavities and it cost $36 dollars for two visits and 3 fillings.
this week, upon my return to Ohio, i went to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned, as they were due for a cleaning. i informed the dentist about my cavities, and he replied, "You went to the dentist in ECUADOR? That was gutsy." i wish i could get his tone across to you over cyberspace, but you can just imagine. what i wanted to say was "Excuse me, but just what do you mean by gutsy? Because it is supposedly a third-world country? Does everyone in Ecuador live in crude huts with a banana leaf for covering? Do they not clean their teeth in Ecuador? Do they not know how to study? Is the dentist a dangerous place to go in Ecuador? Sorry, but the office was every bit as clean as yours, Dr. Priesand, if not cleaner because there wasn't carpet, the dentist went through just as much school as you did, if not more because he's also an orthodontist, and he had just as many shiny, scary instruments as you do. And he was even indigenous." gasp!!!
the other topic of this blog is the fact that i didn't say this. i didn't react in the way that i wanted to react, which happens all the time and i know i'm not alone. i simply laughed, and let him continue in his stereotypes and wrong judgments. and without insurance, this fun visit to the dentist also cost the fun total of $160. then, while looking at my teeth, he acquired a superior attitude, as if dentists in Ecuador were stupid or blind. "Well, I don't see anything, I mean, I see the fillings, but I don't see anything."
well, of course you don't see anything, the cavities were FILLED.
anyway, i'm in the process of learning how to react when i want to react and not be filled with these regrets after the fact, of not having said anything to correct this man's arrogant attitude. any suggestions are welcome. perhaps someone can help me by role playing.
and by the way, we are $53 trillion in debt.
recent thoughts
well, it's been a long time.
i finished the Ohio program in Cuenca and we went for our end-of-trip trip to the jungle and the north of ecuador. all in all i found it very disappointing that i think the students took away a very superficial and limited perspective of Ecuador. this might be expected of only 10 weeks in a place but it also depends on the person, one can, in fact, choose to be superficial or dive in. it makes me think of how each of us sees the world through different lenses, and it's a bit strange to think that the ecuador i know isn't at all the ecuador some of the other students know. it reminds me that when i listen to people, everything they tell me about their experiences and thoughts is only the way they interpreted what happened. nothing in this world is objective. unless you care to disagree.
in quito we were watching CNN in English and they were talking about a new movie about Che Guevara. the newscasters, including the one doing the special report, pronounced his name continuously like this: "gwayvara", and without rolling the "r." i was totally shocked at the anglicization of his name. his name is simply not this. i would excuse mr. smith on the street who doesn't know any spanish, but of course if he gets his media from CNN and other corporates, then we have ignorant people, no offense to those who watch corporate. CNN, however, has their very own channel en español and i find it difficult to believe they couldn't get this corrected. which leads me to believe it was on purpose. which makes me very very sad. of course, che is not alone. Jesus, Ghandi, Osama bin Laden and a whole slew of others have anglicized names. i'm sure you're wondering just what exactly is my point, and the truth is i can't quite express in words what i feel the full meaning of anglicization of names is but all i know is i was utterly disgusted at the repeated butchering of che guevara's name on a media that has full access to the real pronunciation.
a peasant selling street-food on a corner in Cuenca was wearing her typical peasant dress as well as a cap that said CIA. i really wasn't sure whether i should laugh or cry or simply shake my head. i'm fairly certain this woman wasn't wearing the hat as propaganda for the CIA, and part of me thinks that even if i were to tell her of all the atrocities that the CIA has committed and all the citizens they have murdered and democratically-elected presidents they have thrown out, she would shrug her shoulders and say something like, well it's the only hat i have. at least that is the scenario i imagine.
what are we to do? how do we fight for real democracy?
i was in peru for a week visiting friends and the city of Cusco and Machu Picchu. i am convinced that...that what? what can i say about Machu Picchu without writing a book? that it is beautiful? magical? yes. ah well, me faltan las palabras que realmente transmiten lo que pienso sobre las culturas pre-columbinas. perhaps i'll post some fotos.
i am now living in Saraguro, the love of my life. during the festival of Inti Raymi this past weekend i was watching the dances and thinking that not many years ago the Church had so much power as to prohibit exactly these kinds of celebrations. and i truly rejoiced that these people were doing something that belonged to them, and not to colonization. it was beautiful. this culture is possibly the most beautiful...experience i've had on this earth. i really hope that in the whirlwind of the 21st century we can continue the process of decolonization and de-education. indigenous people will talk to you of the fact that they were colonized with fear, that they were taught by the Church to be afraid so that they could be controlled and become good christians and, of course, "civilized." perhaps the problem wasn't so much this as the fact that were taught in the masses about a loving god, but were shown something totally different. much can be done with images from Dante's Inferno.
i am teaching english on the weekends and i have a problem with it. i have 6 indigenous students, and only one of which knows kichwa. if my indigenous students all were fluent in kichwa, i would have no problem teaching them english. but i am internally struggling with the fact that i am teaching the imperial language to students who only speak their colonized language and don't know their indigenous language. the positive part about it is that quite contrary to teaching to freshman and sophmore students at Ohio University, my students actually respect me, are humble and good-natured, and above all are motivated. of course i see the usual sadness of the fact that here there are no resources but all the motivation while at Ohio University there are all the resources and none of the interest.
the grass is always greener on the other side, so they say. we often gain a particular perspective because we are on the outside, and those on the inside never gain the same insight.
anecdotal
i did in fact write another post but i took it off and saved it for another time because it was unorganized and uninformed. i decided with this post to share some anecdotes that reflect both the positive and the negative of my experiences here.
the other day i was taking the bus to my friend's house, which is way on the outskirts of the city. in accordance with my friend's directions, as soon as we turned onto the autopista i told the bus-helper (the guy who collects the money and barks out destinations) to drop me off at "the bridge over the river Tarqui." there was some debate between him and the driver, i repeated the destination several times in crystal clear spanish even leaving the Cuencan accent for "plain" Spanish but he claimed never to have heard of such place. meanwhile it had definitely been past the 10 seconds i was supposed to wait. some indigenous women indicated to the bus-helper that said bridge was a bit further down and that she was getting off there. wonderful. then the older man sitting behind her started conversing (shouting really because we were roaring down the highway with the windows open) with bus-helper about me, while i stand there looking at them converse about me. "where is she from?" he asks. "america" replies the bus-helper (generalization number one). "oh" replies the old man "she must be looking for the mall." i fume. i was so angry the only thing i could do was look at this man and say "no. don't judge me." and then i turned around while he continued to talk to my back until i got off. i will be honest about my feelings because i am an honest person. i wanted to physically beat the stereotypes out of this man. but i didn't, because i am not an abusive person. also, the MALL is the LAST place you would find me.
anyway, i get off, still fuming, and after much walking about and waiting and messaging back and forth with my friend, she finally calls and we realize i am waaaaaaaay further down than i need be. when i finally find her we begin walking to her house and she says "look, here is the bridge over the river Tarqui." there it is, a bridge, right over the river Tarqui.
she tried to comfort me by saying that most people who take that line are going to the main mall in Cuenca, but this doesn't excuse this man's, nor the bus-helper's, generalizations about me. i wanted the bridge over the river Tarqui.
the very next day i witnessed not generalizations towards me as a gringa but what is a common phenomena here in Ecuador, which is that of racism by mestizos against indigenous peoples. i got on the bus at the terminal and sat down in the first row next to an old, disabled, indigenous Saraguro man. he very nicely asked me where i was headed, i replied "Saraguro" and asked if this was also his destination. he said no, he was getting off at Urdaneta, a community a bit north of Saraguro. very well. the bus-helper, similar to those of the city buses, before we leave tells the old man that he needs to sit further back because this seat is reserved. the old man, confused but quite willingly complies, and he shuffles back to the seat indicated, where somebody else tells him that said seat is occupied and so he shuffles to the back. was the seat next to me reserved? absolutely not. did someone else that we picked up 10 minutes later sit in that seat? yes. did they pack the bus so that not only all the seats but the entire aisle was full of people? yes. pure racism. i told this story to an indigenous women friend of mine in Saraguro who told me that for this exact reason she doesn't like traveling on the buses and "poor" as she is, prefers to pay extra for a private car for her and her family so they can travel without harassment.
despite the racism and stereotypes of gringas, i love it here. the 12-year old son of the woman i just mentioned was sharing with me his love of rock music, which in fact i don't share but quite willingly explained the english lyrics, explained that i don't personally know KISS or Led Zeppelin, and even demonstrated how to dance to rock, hair loose and flying, the whole 9 yards. at the end of our rock session, even though i was clear about the fact the rock music does not figure into my personal likes, he gave me as a gift one of his CDs of rock music. i asked if he was sure he wanted to part with such a valuable and he said of course, he has plenty. i felt so honored, despite me not liking rock music and him claiming that he has plenty of it, his gift shows how big his heart is. that last part was very cheesy but i have spent the last 10 minutes thinking of how to describe how i felt and words didn't come. so i hope the feeling was felt through the story.
until next time.
